I forgot how hot balto sounded
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
