My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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