i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
