wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
