oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So much rum. So many feels.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
