She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
