i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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