I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
