this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
