I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
