nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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