Say something about gay babies.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
