I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
