I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
