why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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