The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
