dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She told me I should be a condom model.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
