ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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