trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
