You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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