Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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