omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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