the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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