Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
