Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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