i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
