i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
