I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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