omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
