id be glad to
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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