3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
