hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my being single is dangerous.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
