this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
