oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
