No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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