he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
smell my finger.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
