you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
