The maid of honor just puked.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
