dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
