Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
