He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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