1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize