i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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