i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
