fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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