My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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