u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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