I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
