Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
