If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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