Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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