I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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