Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
