I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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