I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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