According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
