you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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