So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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