did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
