Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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