I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
