Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
